I love them. They love me. They are my parents. However, this love is strange. It clashes over and over again. It seems as if it is incompatible. These are the people who gave you life, who help you grow...the first people you get to know in this shit-loaded life...how can it be that such a strong wall of separation grows between "you" and "them" ?
I admit that sometimes it is all my fault. I give them trouble, even to the extent that they end up arguing between them. I'm not perfect and I know it. But who is? I do not excuse myself though, I feel hatred for myself when I realize I had hurt them. After the death of my sis, they focused all their attention on their only other child...me, and I don't blame them. It is for this reason that in such instances I try to do my best to alter this sad situation.
But it is after this attempt fails that I feel the most depressed. It is when I know I did nothing wrong and they turn against me nonetheless that I wish the earth to jerk apart and that I get buried somewhere deep down, so deep that I can never see the surface again. When things happen from a force outside of you there is nothing you can really do about it, and that is even more killing.
My roots are broken and I'm lost....and sad
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